Rick Clement – The British Half-Man

Greetings Patriots!

“‘Christ, I am not a man any more.’ A guy can’t feel much worse than that.”

33-year moron and recent half-man Rick Clement went to Afghanistan to “defend the UK” from…not sure. While there, he stepped on an IED and blew off his legs.

On the helicopter ride out, he was clutching at his groin. A True British Patriot told him he lost his legs…but neglected to tell him he also lost his manhood. This is him now.

Notice the newly formed bitch-tits

Notice the newly formed bitch-tits

Perhaps out of guilt, perhaps out of fear that he might eat her to grow new legs…the half-man somehow managed to marry. But the obvious physical limitations of never being able to penetrate your woman created a bit of a drag. Why would a woman marry a mutant without his nuts?? Obviously such a marriage would not last!!!

The marriage sounded great for the papers, but took a turn for the worse very early on. After only two years of this sham-marriage, it ended in divorce.

Now he’s a half-man, divorced, lost his testicles, legs, and has to spend the rest of his miserable life in a wheel chair.

To add insult the injury, he was given a check for £9,075 from the Armed Forces Compensation Scheme for his genitalia and £48,875 for his infertility. Would you accept double-that to cut off your shit?

One more thing, the fat-fuck as a twitter feed here: https://twitter.com/sgtclem. Be sure to thank him for his service and tell him Crypt Keeper sent you!

~ Crypt Keeper

Tyler Zeigel – A Real-Life Monster

Greetings Patriots!

In Hollywood, the guy goes off to war and eventually comes home to his beautiful wife who waited for him like a vestal virgin. In real life, the Marine goes off to “defend the country” and comes home looking like this.

Tyler Ziegel2

Tyler threw away his life, proposed to his girlfriend and joined the marines to go to Iraq. In 2004 while “serving” there, he was attacked by a suicide bomber. His burning body was pulled out of a burning inferno. He was put out several times but kept reigniting because the fuel all over him was so hot. The blast left him severely burned and disfigured all over his body. He spent 2 years in the hospital and 18 months in rehabilitation and surgery. Though he survived, he was left with:

  • Blind in one eye
  • Ears, Nose and Lips were burned off
  • Facial scarring
  • Jaw fragmentation
  • Damaged left-arm which was eventually amputated
  • Loss of three fingers on right hand
  • Lost big toe on right foot, transplanted to his right hand.
  • Loss of dear ducts
  • A MASSIVE part of his skull was removed

He went from this to this:

Tyler Ziegel3

Lovely couple

To this:

Tyler Ziegel

Happy bride on her wedding day!!!

Though Tyler somehow married his pre-disfigurement girlfriend, it was anything but blissful. Tyler’s appearance wore on the bride. A mere year later, the marriage ended in divorce. The official reason was because it was a hasty marriage based on the passions of youth. But I have no doubt that the fact that he looked like Krang from TMNT had a lot to do with it.


Krang from TMNT

Tyler’s suffering didn’t end there. Children were afraid of him, no woman would have him and he had trouble getting a job. All he could do was live off his disability check from the VA. But even the VA turned their back on him and barely gave him any money.

A broken, disfigured, ugly, divorced monster, Tyler’s only mercy was his death in December 2012. The official cause of death was because he “slipped on ice”, but it was later discovered that the combination of a 0.123 blood alcohol level and massive quantities of morphine combined to end his pitiful life.

That’s all for now Patriots. Until next time, Semper Fi!

Mark “Grow a Pair” Litynski

Greetings Patriots!

When a superior military fights an inferior irregular force, the latter uses makes improvised weaponry to attack. Unfortunate for those in the way, the blasts rip off not only the legs, but also the penis and testicles of those caught in the way. Enter Mark Litynski.

“Patriot” Mark joined the Marine corps to learn valuable real-world skills such as being a rifleman.

In 2010 Mark was in southern afghanistan doing an IED patrol when one blew him up. His injuries were:

  • Complete loss of both testicles
  • Loss of all skin around his penis -“penile degloving”
  • Loss of both legs
  • Most of his leg arm
  • Shattered pelvis

This is the dipshit now. He can never have sex again. Hoorah!

Lost both testicles, skin around penis, both legs, one arm - brain was never there

Lost both testicles, skin around penis, both legs, one arm – soon to loose his wife

Now his wife wants kids, but the lack of his man-bits makes kids a lot harder than he’ll ever be again!

You know what’s funny about all this? He thought about freezing his sperm right before going off to war, but changed his mind at the last minute. At least this dumbass won’t be able to breed.

In an interview he said his lack of testicles has “created a lot of stress, my decreased sex drive”. His wife said she misses how affectionate he used to be.

Lets keep it real, women love sex just as much as men do. They want to be held and be desired. His wife is hot and has a nice rack. But without his manhood, he’ll never be able to fuck her again. If she’s ever in the mood and wants to be fucked, unless she’s got something on the side he’ll never be able to deliver. Imagine telling a girl “You will never have sex again”. Fuck!

Loss of testicles is not a rarity, its become a signature injury in the past decade. And to add insult to injury, the military is refusing to pay for a $400k fertility treatment to get these barren wives pregnant.

No amount of calling him a “Hero” or “Patriot” is going to bring his legs, arms, nuts or sanity back. His life is ruined.

Until next time, Semper Fi Marine!

Armless Mary Dague

Greetings Patriots!

On this edition of Broken Patriots, we depart from the limbless variety and spend some time with the feminine persuasion. We’re going to talk about armless Mary Dague. This Sgt was a bomb technician. Her job was to dismantle bombs before they explode.

Safe to say she wasn’t very good at her job…

Now look at her. And don’t feel bad for her, don’t call her a “hero” or a “patriot” and get back to your comfortable life with arms. No! Point, stare and laugh. Call out all the things you can do that she can’t. And laugh at her misery.


Notice that her shirt isn’t ironed. Pretty sure she can’t iron anymore.

They literally call her Sgt Stumpy, it says so on her fucking shirt! I wonder if the bomb also ruined her face, cuz she’s ugly as shit. The monster can’t even commit suicide because she can’t pull the trigger.

Pretty certain she doesn't use the keyboard.

Safe to say she doesn’t use the keyboard

If I ever met her, I would give her an unopened can of coke. I wonder how she puts on tampons or takes out a used one. Or does she let the blood flow freely cuz it brings back memories of her arms? Does she give blowjobs or handjobs…probably blowjobs. And she’s probably awesome at it.

Women, if you join the army, this will happen to you. And your purple heart ribbon won’t heal your broken heart.

~ The Crypt Keeper

Brendan Marrocco – Quadruple Amputee

Greetings Patriots!

Today we’ll introduce you to another Broken Patriot. This American Hero joined the US Army, ran, jumped, did some pushups. Now look at him and laugh.

Brendan Marrocco

Brandan Marrocco, No Arms and No Legs

He joined the US Army to “defend the country”, or that’s the shit they told him.

On Easter of all days, he was driving an MRAP and was hit with a rocket that went through the door, blew off both arms, one leg and the other was later amputated. His gunner died.

You know what’s funny? He lost his carotid artery, so they literally took out an artery from his amputated leg and put it in his neck. So he has a leg-up from other army amputees.

His total injuries:

  • Amputation of both arms and both legs
  • Severed left carotid artery
  • Broken nose, left eye socket and facial bones
  • Loss of eight teeth
  • Shrapnel to the left eye and face
  • Severe lacerations to the face
  • Burns to the neck and face
  • Pierced left eardrum.

Here’s a video of the monster at Walter Reed while they play uplifting rock in the background.

“I got a lot of scartissue on my legs, so pretty much anything that touches them or pushes on them hurts real bad.”

While the ghoul got arm implants he will never have the same dexterity again. Ask yourself, even if you got the best treatment that money could buy you, even if you got 100 medals, were were thanked for your “service”, wouldn’t you rather just keep your arms and legs?

~ The Crypt Keeper