Armless Mary Dague

Greetings Patriots!

On this edition of Broken Patriots, we depart from the limbless variety and spend some time with the feminine persuasion. We’re going to talk about armless Mary Dague. This Sgt was a bomb technician. Her job was to dismantle bombs before they explode.

Safe to say she wasn’t very good at her job…

Now look at her. And don’t feel bad for her, don’t call her a “hero” or a “patriot” and get back to your comfortable life with arms. No! Point, stare and laugh. Call out all the things you can do that she can’t. And laugh at her misery.

MaryDague

Notice that her shirt isn’t ironed. Pretty sure she can’t iron anymore.

They literally call her Sgt Stumpy, it says so on her fucking shirt! I wonder if the bomb also ruined her face, cuz she’s ugly as shit. The monster can’t even commit suicide because she can’t pull the trigger.

Pretty certain she doesn't use the keyboard.

Safe to say she doesn’t use the keyboard

If I ever met her, I would give her an unopened can of coke. I wonder how she puts on tampons or takes out a used one. Or does she let the blood flow freely cuz it brings back memories of her arms? Does she give blowjobs or handjobs…probably blowjobs. And she’s probably awesome at it.

Women, if you join the army, this will happen to you. And your purple heart ribbon won’t heal your broken heart.

~ The Crypt Keeper

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5 thoughts on “Armless Mary Dague

  1. I know “Stumpy” and she’s one amazing woman! In spite of her injuries and the challenges she faces daily, she is creative, funny, caring and reaches out to others who were also badly injured. Missing arms and all, she is a significant force for good. The profoundly ignorant and mean-spirited comments on your blog are unworthy of anyone with even a modicum of decency and honor. You insult all women who have faced similar difficulties. It is clear that you obviously know virtually nothing about EOD specialists or the dangerous work they do, the great sacrifices many have made. Watching “The Hurt Locker” does not entitle you or any other dumbass to comment on whether Mary was good at doing her risky job or not. She was infinitely better at what she did than you seem to be at what you do. If you use a keyboard to write this tripe (rather than using Dragon), imagine doing it without arms and hands and how much better our world would be if you STFU. An appropriate quote from a famous American: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” Sorry to use a few big words. After you look them up, please GFY!

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  2. Part 2 – While I hope Mary has never seen this blog, she would probably ignore it. She is the one that chose the nickname “Stumpy.” As The Crypt Keeper (aka SFB), you should probably reconsider who you vent your nasty, sexist scat on since Mary’s husband and many friends are EOD specialists, trained and experienced in the use of explosives and proficient or expert in combat arms. They may not choose to ignore your hateful comments. I hope you do not have to worry about starting up your car in the morning or standing still outside your home for more than 10-20 seconds. If you are ever honored to meet a real EOD specialist who served in Iraq or Afganistan, thank them for their service and sacrifices, then buy them a drink. It’s a good first step toward becoming a patriot and recovering your tesicles (MIA). Regards.

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  3. As Mary’s husband I’ll let you know right now. You are a fucking coward. The fact that you have to route you up through multiple VPN’s because your afraid of death threats proves this. While your speech is all around hateful, it is protected under the 1st amendment. If you had any balls at all you would sign your work with your real name. So because some military member fucked you over somewhere in you life you’ve decided to go after those who have sacrificed the most for this country. Fucking coward. Some fat worthless keyboard warrior plugging away at his MacBook before he has to go to his shit job a Mickey D’s where he spends his days slowly absorbing all grease from the dryer that he can fit in his mouth before waddling back to his friends basement for another round of “can I find my microscopic dick?”. You life suck’s and it shows. I hope that one day you’ll wise up and do the world a favor by suck starting that cheap little pistol you keep around “just in case they find me”. People like you are the reason people like me run the world. Because you are only words, and you only ever will be. In all sincerity, please come find me. I don’t hide and Mary never will either.

    SSG James Cribbett
    U.S. ARMY

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  4. Hey Crypt Keeper,
    Great story bro! My favorite part was the bit about what EOD is like, let me tell ya, it really brought me back. Just one little thing that I don’t like…. I mean, it’s your article and all, so who am I to judge? But, did you have to use pictures of me when I was fat? I mean, really dude, a simple Google search and you’ve got at least five pics of me wearing a shirt that’s a pun about my arms. Or do you use Bing? You seem like the kinda guy that uses Bing. Anyways, any of those other pictures are fine, and your super awesome ideas for zingers to wing at me would still have their examples. The pics you chose were from seven years ago. I won’t lie, I was on quite a few pain killers right then, and they made muffins taste AMAZING! Not my proudest time, but at least it didn’t last long. Unlike ignorance. Sometimes, I think that stupid people will always be ignorant and hateful, and that makes me sad. But then I remember that they’re like a bit of floating fish jizz in the ocean; you know it exists and it’s disgusting, but if you ignore it, the ocean is still beautiful.
    Oh, and just to satisfy your curiousity, I know you’re dying to ask in person but, I can totally open a can of Coke. But, I think Coke is gross, so maybe bring Sprite. Also, I’m pretty creative, and already have a few great ideas of what else I can do with the can.
    Also, your question about blowjobs or handjobs, is pretty easy to figure out. I know anatomy is hard, and you’re obviously no doctor, but to give a handjob, you actually need hands. I mean, c’mon dude, it’s in the name. Also, since I’m happily married and not 15, I wouldn’t give my husband a handy-j anyways. We just have sex.
    Have you ever had sex? No, of course not, what was I thinking? It’s pretty awesome, and totally beats a handjob. Don’t worry, I’m sure there are still some necrophilacs in the world willing to bone a virgin skeleton, there’s still hope for you!

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