Rick Clement – The British Half-Man

Greetings Patriots!

“‘Christ, I am not a man any more.’ A guy can’t feel much worse than that.”

33-year moron and recent half-man Rick Clement went to Afghanistan to “defend the UK” from…not sure. While there, he stepped on an IED and blew off his legs.

On the helicopter ride out, he was clutching at his groin. A True British Patriot told him he lost his legs…but neglected to tell him he also lost his manhood. This is him now.

Notice the newly formed bitch-tits

Notice the newly formed bitch-tits

Perhaps out of guilt, perhaps out of fear that he might eat her to grow new legs…the half-man somehow managed to marry. But the obvious physical limitations of never being able to penetrate your woman created a bit of a drag. Why would a woman marry a mutant without his nuts?? Obviously such a marriage would not last!!!

The marriage sounded great for the papers, but took a turn for the worse very early on. After only two years of this sham-marriage, it ended in divorce.

Now he’s a half-man, divorced, lost his testicles, legs, and has to spend the rest of his miserable life in a wheel chair.

To add insult the injury, he was given a check for £9,075 from the Armed Forces Compensation Scheme for his genitalia and £48,875 for his infertility. Would you accept double-that to cut off your shit?

One more thing, the fat-fuck as a twitter feed here: https://twitter.com/sgtclem. Be sure to thank him for his service and tell him Crypt Keeper sent you!

~ Crypt Keeper

Mark “Grow a Pair” Litynski

Greetings Patriots!

When a superior military fights an inferior irregular force, the latter uses makes improvised weaponry to attack. Unfortunate for those in the way, the blasts rip off not only the legs, but also the penis and testicles of those caught in the way. Enter Mark Litynski.

“Patriot” Mark joined the Marine corps to learn valuable real-world skills such as being a rifleman.

In 2010 Mark was in southern afghanistan doing an IED patrol when one blew him up. His injuries were:

  • Complete loss of both testicles
  • Loss of all skin around his penis -“penile degloving”
  • Loss of both legs
  • Most of his leg arm
  • Shattered pelvis

This is the dipshit now. He can never have sex again. Hoorah!

Lost both testicles, skin around penis, both legs, one arm - brain was never there

Lost both testicles, skin around penis, both legs, one arm – soon to loose his wife

Now his wife wants kids, but the lack of his man-bits makes kids a lot harder than he’ll ever be again!

You know what’s funny about all this? He thought about freezing his sperm right before going off to war, but changed his mind at the last minute. At least this dumbass won’t be able to breed.

In an interview he said his lack of testicles has “created a lot of stress, my decreased sex drive”. His wife said she misses how affectionate he used to be.

Lets keep it real, women love sex just as much as men do. They want to be held and be desired. His wife is hot and has a nice rack. But without his manhood, he’ll never be able to fuck her again. If she’s ever in the mood and wants to be fucked, unless she’s got something on the side he’ll never be able to deliver. Imagine telling a girl “You will never have sex again”. Fuck!

Loss of testicles is not a rarity, its become a signature injury in the past decade. And to add insult to injury, the military is refusing to pay for a $400k fertility treatment to get these barren wives pregnant.

No amount of calling him a “Hero” or “Patriot” is going to bring his legs, arms, nuts or sanity back. His life is ruined.

Until next time, Semper Fi Marine!